a nightmare would be a life without you

'Sianzified'
Thursday, January 06, 2005 3:05 PM

How long has it been? One day? Two days? Just a mere three days and I feel like this. :( 'Sian' beyond 'sian-ness'. Feel so drained over nothing. The speed is just beginning to pick up, only just. If I'm getting all pooped over three days of acceleration, woah... ... Seriously... It's a short run which needs huge bursts of speed all the way. I can't get this 'cannot start car' type of feeling now. Cannot! Not on my precious O' level year!

Anyway... I had this really interesting thing going on in my brain but it all flew away faster than I can snap my fingers (which I can't by the way...). Yeah. Gone. With the wind. Can't remember what I was gonna blog. Been holding on to words for too long and not putting them down on paper or for the more techie me- on the com. So when it comes again, I'll probably blog straight away and not be so... Er... I won't procrastinate next time, save my mind gets preoccupied by a million different things at the same time. Can't risk another good blog entry seeing that they ARE getting pretty rare these days.

I'm munching on a raw (actually it's cooked... but just cold straight from the fridge lah!) crunchy sausage. I'm definite it can be eaten straight from the refrigerated packet it came from. I doubt I'd die because I didn't boil it hot- just get a little tummy ache for cold food thats all. Been searching for that sausage high and low most of the afternoon when I was gonna go cook my cup noodles, couldn't find them. Now my sis runs along with them and I wish I knew where they were in the first place. It's late, I'm addicted to crunchy cold tiny hotdoggy stuff and I'm so going to grow fat. Gah.

Oh right... I remembered what I was going to blog! Haha.

Was chatting with Soedar the other day (actually just yesterday) on the way home from decorating the Green Club Board at school (which is only just beside my classroom which makes it very convenient) when we stumbled onto this very thought provoking topic. We were going on and on about Eyes (because we learnt that recently in Bio and we had a couple of burning assumptions that would make a scientist go crack) and to theories that are hard to prove only because the easier ones have all been taken and discovered. It went on for awhile, jumping topics every so often and it's true that Soedar has a scientist's mind. It's not hard to understand why he's the science pro in my class lor. He's inquisitive, messy, but well organized in thought all at the same time. It's very very interesting to talk to him.

Umm... Anyway, we knocked head on onto this topic (which I cannot remember why we even started lightly debating and mildly arguing about it in the first place) which was to be happy in life...

You see, to be happy in life, people always say- "Just lead a simple life and be happy!" But is a simple life really so happy? Is it really so simple to lead a happy life? Think about it.

I mean, basically a simple life would mean a life that's pretty monotonous. No matter what a simple life will be monotonous because a simple life is a safe life. So when someone says, "Lead a simple life and be happy."... It's actually relatively contradictory.

I did try to argue by saying that just live the life you want, that way surely one would be happy.

But Soedar managed to counter that one by saying that if we lived the life we wanted, it would definitely not be a monotonous life and that life would be filled with a certain amount of adrenaline pumping activity once every so often. With that comes the risk of danger and then with that you'd get injured and by getting injured you wouldn't be happy. So the conclusion would be no matter how you lead your life, you'd still end up unhappy.

And I guess that's definitely 'unarguebly' true and I kind of sat there thinking on the double decker bus. I kept quiet, for the second time in my life, because there's nothing to rebut. It's the undeniable truth of life, because afterall we are all always unhappy people and being happy isn't as simple as it sounds because we are never ever ever content with what we have in life. So we will never ever ever be happy. :) Think about it a bit more. If you're not happy, you want to happy, and when you want to be happy, you'd want to lead a happy life and when you want something, you're actually lusting for something. When someone lusts for something, it means he or she is not content and if you're not content, you'll never be happy.

That's a vicious cycle for you.

But now that I read everything that I've typed, it makes both sense and nonsense. Heh. Must be screwed up there some where.

Here's an unrelated, totally random thought I've been having since Chemistry class today (which is a pretty long time ago)... Are our memories in colour or black and white? It sure seems like colour and yet again it doesn't... Hmm. I kind of started thinking about it because I suddenly had this like flashback of Wei Sheng laughing very very happily and it felt very sweet to remember. But when the memory (I bet it's a memory) flashed across my mind, it was gone too quick for me to know whether it was in colour or black and white... And everytime I reconjure up that image I can't tell! Haha. Is that weird or what! Yeah. I was missing him while I took a glance at the planner and I caught sight of the "Library" scribbled over the Saturday box. It's only been a few days... ...

**carrie** (Whoosh. I feel like myself again! I love my dearie. Miss him to itty bitty bits!)