a nightmare would be a life without you

NUS Seminar
Sunday, February 27, 2005 2:10 PM

Was shivering in a small auditorium-like lecture hall in NUS during a Environmental Reporters Publicity seminar. Apparantly, it's a new programme set up by a group of NUS university students (what on earth do you call them?) who are or seem to be, very into environmental issues and environmental awareness.

So although we (Miss Tang, Soedar, Clara and a secondary two green club guy whose name I just cannot recall at the moment) were late and missed one speaker speak, we still got the hang of what was being said. It was interesting because all three speakers for the seminar were... Foreign students (at least one of which was from Vietnam and another Hong Kong). It made it increasingly hard to understand, but after awhile the accent is not that bad and the bad grammar seems almost like Singlish anyway... So... It was easier to understand after that.

Basically at that point of time, I was freezing stiff and it doesn't help that I'm actually beginning to feel the adrenaline and the nervousness and everything in between. So my teeth were chattering, I was cold, and I was nervous.

Here's a summary of all the speakers that went up to talk about the green stuff they did in school.

The first secondary student representative speaker of some school was a boring speaker (so boring I can't remember anything he/she said), the second speakers (two cute girls one who spoke like a Singaporean and another who spoke with the overly accurate kids central accent like that Chin-fei girl) were MC like and totally enjoyable to listen to, the third was a debator with passion so fiery she was practically ferocious, then when I thought no speaker could be worse they called Dunman Secondary. So... It was weird. I was blur because we were told we were after Bukit Batok and I was like that debator is not Bukit Batok so we have a lot of time to go and stuff like that running around in my mind. So I went up, passed the disc to the guy in charge of presentation material and thanked him alot and then went up to the table thing were you present lah. And I started. I think I started rather okay because they laughed. Basically I was rather personal and I didn't follow my script too much lah (this always happens...) and enjoyed speaking to them and (I hope) as much as they enjoyed listening to me. I think I was the only presenter who er... Got a bit of giggles here and there. In Soedar's terms, I was the slacker type Ah Lian presenter. Haha. :) I loved presenting. :) I think I'd make a good MC.

Anyway, after the presentation was this IT based presenter guy who used a website to la dee dum dum about his school's green projects. And then it was over and there was a lot of refreshments! :D Chicken wings blah blah blah.

The Secondary Two guy is a very cute guy lah. Haha. And in Clara speak, he was geeky cute. This was countered by Soedar who said that he was actually a nerd so I said nerdy cute lor. Haha. He's a cute guy in terms of the way he speaks lah. Haha. I remember the three of us (Soedar, Clara and me) talking about him and finding him very funny weird. So actually cute isn't the correct term to use.

Anyway, Miss Tang liked my presentation. :) That's happy. :) Heh. And Clara and I might just be given oppotunities to do MCing in the near future for any event. :D This makes me happy because I like MCing and I bet I would do a better job then... Channel 8 Children's TV programme type of:

MC 1:"HI! MY NAME IS *L-ROY!"
MC 2: "And Hello! My name is *One-Thing!"
Both: "And together we are your worst nightmare."

That kind of thing lah.

That's cool lah. Whatever lor.

Hohoho.

Spent the rest of the day with Wei Sheng. :) Happiness.

**carrie** (misses Wei Sheng)

Lets See...
Friday, February 18, 2005 2:20 PM

I've been wanting to blog for about one week plus now, been procrastinating the blog entry. Ends up right now, I'm sitting on my bum, not knowing what to write because there are simply too many options to choose from! It's like a few days worth of opinions and all that kind of shitty Auntie Carrie things that I used to like to write because I'm so bored (and boring).

I miss my dearie lehhhhhhhhhhhhh!

And I feel like killing all those pop-ups. HAH! Advertise for Anti-Spyware programme some more... I WONDER HOW AH... THAT DISGUSTING POP-UP MANAGED TO INVADE MY COMPUTER. PUI! Damn you pop-ups!

My bad temper is partially due to the rather, okay, VERY itchy throat cough I have. It's the incessant cough-cough-cough (three coughs or more in a row one, AH pop-up! ARGH!) kind. How to feel happy as usual when you cough and get pop-ups at the same time! Freaking agitating! I hope it doesn't hang ah. :(

And by the way ah, this is like some really random thing, what is with those update address book thingys. I do not respond or sign up to shit like that leh. PLEASE don't clog my already constipated toilet bowl e-mail account can? The next person who sends me one more invite or anything related to some lame formal e-mail asking me to sign up to that dumb address book updater thing I WILL... I WILL... Aiya. Don't send lah. Okay? :)

Anyway...

This is like so so so off timing lah, but did anyone else watch Shallow Hal on Channel 5 other than Clara? Haha. I liked it. So did Clara. Yeah lor. Why pretty must equal to skinny, thin and almost stickish non-existent? Why har? Why? Why are we forced to believe eating one puny stick of carrot or diet coke or (Heh... Gonna dig my sister's 'friend' Chanel) just rice (because chicken is "Eeeee!")?

Ouch! I can feel blood in my throat! :X Coughing again! BLARGH!

Okay, I digress a bit hor.

Recently after getting that killer cough plus almost there fever, I've had this blood coming with my mucus when I blow them out... And... Sometimes when I cough... Which is pretty yucks lah. I hope it's not an infection man... :X BAH. I want to get well soon! Wish me a nice get well soon hor!

Back to the topic.

WHY AH? Answer me leh? How come thin = pretty? Why isn't there plump = pretty! Or single eyelid = pretty! Or Tummy (which is very cute if you're married and have kids lah) = Pretty? Why is it, big boobs = nice...

So lamo shit lah. The definition of beauty.

How come they set a quota for beauty queens? You mean you can judge beauty ah? Can I like slam the judges... Not like there hasn't been enough through the years. How come not tall enough means OUT? How come plump people not allowed. Because they are not pretty har? Go promote your unhealthy thin lah because unhealthy fat is worse is it? Makes no sense man. I see loads of pretty girls and none of them come in stick thin proportions. What, hands stick thin is nice meh. Does it mean halters can only be for thin 'pretty' girls (who are pretty only because they are unhealthy skinny)? Wah Don, haha, I bet you regret saying that I shouldn't wear halters because it makes me look fat, because hor...

SO WHAT? I'm not offended lah. Heh. I'm just making a point. But I kind of think it doesn't make sense to say someone shouldn't wear something because it makes them look fat! I mean, you mean looking fat is a sin? Although I agree gluttony is a sin, but eating nothing, dieting for the perfect figure is like shit man. Torturing your body is like sin too lor. I don't hate those girls with like you know, less fat than normal lah, more likely I'm slamming the people who glorify that fat doesn't equal to pretty and that beauty can only be defined as those girls who are allowed into pageants.

COME ON LOR.

To think that till this day and age, I have the like oppotunity to slam the public and the media (heh!) for this humiliating discrimination. You don't think its discrimination. Sure one. Because it's ingrained so deep in your mind that anything other than beauty pageant material or the like is beauty. Slap yourselves awake can? My gosh. Little has changed. And people can be outraged over racist stuff when the fat or imperfect take all the crap and no one gives a damn. It's like the Aids Epidemic and the Tsunami incident. Aids is more pressing yet everyone is like "WAH! TSUNAMI! HELP!" Have you seen people go, "Aiyo... Aids is a growing epidemic! We should help!" No right!

That's what I'm trying to say.

Beauty has been defined by the media and I am ashamed that I play right into their hands, believing in their shallow definition of beauty. The so called imperfect people of the world need liberation from the invisible oppression from the world. :( Believe it or not, we all have discriminated against those who are not considered pretty either due to height or the word 'fat'. It's an imperfect world we live in, so why is there a definition for beauty? Stupid shit is it? It's like some elitist thing. Admit it world, we like the idea of top of the food-chain lah. It doesn't matter if they aren't Mensa material. Oh wait. It doesn't matter even if they cannot speak properly.

Whatever. I am in no position to talk, but I still do (want to talk!) because it's a truth! THE FAT AND SHORT ARE BEING DISCRIMINATED!!!

Haha.

Oh well... Have to thank Don for causing that involuntary spark of er... outrage that I managed to contain. I don't hold it to heart. Oh wait! I do! Haha. But aiya, shall channel negative energy to make that positive aura appear...

I suddenly very much want to be the fattest Miss Singapore Universe ever. Hohoho. FAT PEOPLE AND SHORT PEOPLE!!! WE MUST RALLY FOR OUR RIGHTS!!! WHY ARE WE BARRED FROM COMPETITIONS SUCH AS THESE BECAUSE OF OUR ER... WEIGHT AND HEIGHT!!!? And why must people say that fat or shortness is unattractive? WHY? Aiya. Wait a few more years than say... Shall go slam media again when they refuse to let me join Miss Singapore Universe because of weight and height matters. :) SLAM SLAM SLAM. For now... Heh.

**carrie** (loves wei sheng)

My Mother is Power lah. Like Superwoman liddat.
Wednesday, February 09, 2005 5:25 AM

I think my mother has like x-ray vision or something. She can tell hokkien people and teochew people apart. Haha. Sounds pretty racist... But then again... Racist to her own race meh?! Haha.

I asked her how she told them apart lah. And this is the step by step method to finding out who is teochew or hokkien. Those of you who don't know which one of the above I am, try guessing which dialect am I. Haha. I'll reveal answers next time I blog. Haha. So heres the method:

1) Hokkiens are have more 'kwa zhang' and 'chor lor' features. This means they are generally more exaggerated and prominent. Teochews have 'dao' features. This means that they are basically more proud lah. There will be this element of 'dao' in their facial features and they have softer features that are not so loud.

2) Hokkiens are usually the ones people declare chio among two girls one hokkien and one teochew. Teochew girls are at first look the not so chio one. Usually catergorized as cute or sweet. The teochews have sweeter features than hokkiens although hokkiens are the pretty ones with more pronounced features.

That's a two step method to identifying lah. I say that the 'kwa zhang' and 'dao' thing is rather accurate. Haha. So am I hokkien or teochew? Guess, guess, guess! (Wo cai wo cai wo cai cai cai!)

**carrie**

Shopping Spree :)
Tuesday, February 08, 2005 2:33 PM

I never ever would have imagined me saying this but I am saying this right now. I was on a SHOPPING SPREE! Okay, technically it wasn't a full-blown Bobo shopping spree but it's a huge splurge for me lah.

Popped by Kovan, Heartland Mall where Clara's Auntie's shop is currently at. There was like a 50% discount and a further 15% discount since I was her friend so everything I wanted to buy was so affordable lor. I think it was about ten dollars for each piece lah. That's just a rough estimate.

Kind of bought rather bluey stuff. Light sky blue stuff. Splurged on a very sweet flowery print cloth halter, a sky blue halter, a sky blue tee-shirt, and a denim material skirt. That cost me about thirty dollars (Clara's auntie let me have the sky blue halter for free... So pai seh.) right left lah.

I helped out at the store, looking out for gniap-gniap (pronounced: niap niap) which means shop lifters. Hehe. Great fun. If it wasn't peak period, Clara and I helped out by putting the clothing back in place, folding them and clipping them up, dressing the mannequin... Fun shop stuff like that. Was pretty fun.

Was back relatively late. My mom thought I was a bit 'off' for buying so many halters. She was like, "You dare to wear meh? Buy so many!" Hopefully I will... ... Shall go work on my 1kg weights again since the pain from last Friday is wearing off. Whoosh! Go tone arms! Go tone arms! Oh hoho! I almost forgot! And of course 40 sit-ups. Gah haha.

CNY eve tomorrow. Super almost no-school day. Just geography and chemisty. Heh! :) So sad though. Was hoping for more bio classes! I love the chapter on micro-orgranisms! So freaking interesting.

Aiya. Shall go like do something else rather than spend whatever time I have left of today blogging and fighting with pop-ups as I do so. Blah.

**carrie** (loves wei sheng, misses him, and really appreciates him for being so sweet!)

Toiling At Clara's.
Sunday, February 06, 2005 1:14 PM

Toiled the whole day away at Clara's making Wei Sheng's Valentine's Day gift. I didn't have the equipment needed to make my special gift, so... ... I asked around and Clara kind of had the equipment I needed, so I went over. Initially I thought, piece of cake, won't take so long. I planned to finish up by three plus and head on to tuition after that. Hah! I was so freaking wrong!

The whole session lasted all day until about seven! :) I was working on his prezzie from eleven plus in the morning till evening seven. That makes it... ... eight hours of hard work! Heh. :) It's finally done, just need a little touch up here and there and it's a-okay and ready to go. Hope dearie will like this little gift. Investment very heavy wor!

Heh. Clara is great fun to be doing things with. Her house is very cute too. There's everything needed. It's like some super duper convenience store. Clara got -item- a not? The answer sure is yes one. Haha. Cute place to live.

La dee dumm... Gonna go call my dearieeeeeeeeeee!!! Ahhh. Love him to bits already. Miss him a helluva lot too. Heh. :) Wonder if he misses me to bits too... Alot alot of bits. Hmmx...

**carrie**

A Matter Of Shame
Thursday, February 03, 2005 2:51 PM

I've been thinking quite a bit about being mean to people like Ken Lam. It's quite sad actually. Was wondering how I would feel if I were him. How would I feel if people poked fun at me and I (sadly) didn't do anything about it.

There are two possibilities why I'm actually affected by sudden thoughts like this one:

a) My sister is letting herself get pushed around by some mean kid by the name of Yvonne
b) Some empathy finally decided to make a home inside

I think its more on (a) then on (b).

Okay. Lets go check it out.

My sister is this chubby kid with long hair. She has a super long skirt (runs in the family) and likes to raise her voice and make noise for no reason. Maybe that's why she isn't really welcomed by her 'friends' in school. Whatever it is, she used to hang around this clique- a bunch of 'cool' popular kids. In my opinion it is a gross mix of backboneless girls who sway with the wind. Frankly lah, it is mean to talk about them like this, but I find it hard to use any other words to tactfully put it across. At best they are 'un-opinionated' and 'juvenile', at worst they are a bunch of 'cowards'.

Why so mean ah Carrie? Jealous they more popular than your sister is it?

Definitely not.

I have nothing against the people, it is their disgusting behavior that pisses me left, right and centre. I used to tell myself no matter horrid the people in her school may be, I would never say "Changkat Changi mar! Of course lah!". But after a year plus of frustration that hangs from my sister's face each evening when she gets home, its hard not to do that. It hurts me to see my sister being pushed around just because she doesn't want to kick up a fuss at school and of course because she doesn't want to end up friendless. Seriously, I might not always be very friendly with my sister but whenever I hear about her 'friends' doing mean stuff to her, it breaks my heart even though I thought it was close to solid steel.

Okay, basically this group of girls are popular because of one chio bu. Her name is Chanel. Apparantly before Chanel started mixing around with the likes of Yvonne, she was generally rather er... more on the spoilt kid type who didn't mind a tad more friends. Aiya, just imagine the kind of girl who have five full accounts in friendster. Yup. That's Chanel. She's the type after two weeks of school got boyfriend that type lah. Yeah. She hung out with my sis now and then and was like those 'qian jing' only lah. Nothing really bad about her. I had a rather good impression of her somemore!

Then in comes Yvonne. Not very pretty, riding on the popularity of Chanel as her friend, this little brat (sad to say I have to describe her as that) is nothing more than a bully. She knows that my sister has little or close to no friends and have to tolerate with whatever shit she flings at her... So what does Yvonne do? This Yvonne girl bullies my sister into doing her art homework, printing her timetables, doing everything for her, buy her gifts. And why does my sister do all that?

Because the moment she refuses to, all hell breaks lose for her. My sister is denied friendship because somehow, those backboneless 'friends' of hers never ever seem to stand by her side and defend her. She is left alone because they believe this gossiping bully, "Andrea very selfish."

When I first heard that I almost spit out my yakult lah, my first impression was, "So childish wah!"

But childish oppression hurts more than anything else. My sister is left without dignity, she runs around like a dog doing Yvonne's bidding because she is unable to break out of this oppression by her friends.

I know my sister. She may be hot tempered and not very easy to get along with, but she's very friendly and helpful and she cares alot for people. Her personality is much better than mine. Her only flaw is that she has this thing for vulgarities. Not that it will affect her friendships because she picked it up from school what! So I'm sure that it's really Yvonne. I never really side my sister much, but this makes my blood boil to know that a coward is hailed as hero and the victim is seen as the true coward.

Initially I thought my sister was pretty spineless to take all that, but after thinking about it and pondering hard, I realized that it meant a lot to my sister to be liked by everyone and that she wasn't like me. She absolutely cannot take loneliness and not being talked to... I feel bad about not being able to understand her qualms on lashing back...

It hurts me most to hear from my sister, her voice always filled with fear, frustration and upset that all her friends never stand up for her... What friends are they?

Even Alien Fishball whom once jokingly teased Ani* (one of my close friends in the past) and made her cry because they were insulting, stood up for me. And that was even after I spoke out against him about him bullying Ani* with boorish insulting verbal abuse. It surprises me that a person whom I once didn't really like would stand up for me (although it made things worse) when I needed the support most. When I think about it, I feel fortunate that my outspoken nature and my lack of need for talking much or being around people will allow me to do radical things that others wouldn't dare. Allowing me to walk on the wilder side of life... Sometimes I really wish my sis would take that big step out too. I know how hard it is... But somehow bullying has got to stop.

When the chinese teacher, Miss Si was giving us those compos on bullying it didn't hit me that my sister was a victim until I thought about it recently... She's a victim and her so-called friends, those spineless creatures, heartless and foul, are no better than pawns manipulated by the bully Yvonne... I told her not to worry if they did that to her again, I would call up all their parents and tell them straight in the phone that their child was a bully, a horrible sad coward. I would not tolerate her being treated like a servant, a maid, a slave.

And now I feel so bad that I actually am contributing to Ken's pain... Ken Lam is a victim too. He might have been mean to me and everything, but he could have been mean because he didn't know how to be friendly and it scared me off when he was. I believe I'm a bully myself although I do not do anything to Ken, just avoiding him... But that's being a bully too. I'm too much of a coward to take that step to truly treat him like I should treat everyone else. So in what position am I to condemn Yvonne's actions?

I really wonder to myself... If I was my sister or Ken, would I prove to anyone that I can't be pushed around, or would I succumb to all that battering of evil childish teases and words. What would I do in their situation? Is this just the beginning of discovering the empathy within me? It's scary to think that I will begin to feel for others more easily because sometimes... I don't think I really want to know how they feel... It's easier that way. Will I remain a coward or not?

**carrie**

5 Second Motivation
Wednesday, February 02, 2005 1:31 PM

Have been motivated by reading other blogs to start blogging because I haven't blogged in so long, I can't really count the days in one hand anymore. :) So here I am. 5 seconds of motivation made me type all that crap.

Been to motivational courses which highlighted the importance of the year to me and the need to stop slacking on my fat bum. Yeah so I'm pretty much rather into getting everything back on track and stuff.

A brief surprise for my dearie... :) It will be a rather cute valentines this year! I'm hand-making my homemade stuff again for dearie!!! I'm sure he'll like it lah. Heh. :)

But then since I'm doing it for the first time... ...

Hope it works out.

Going to go research the stuff I need. Need to get GOOD quality stuff for this project.

**carrie**