a nightmare would be a life without you

... OH! I geddit now.
Sunday, March 27, 2005 4:35 PM

I never thought Double Chin was that good a show. :)

It's the most SINCERE, PERSONAL, REFLECTIVE, and HONEST Singaporean kids programme. Kudos especially to the producers and the scriptwriters working on the show as well as cute little Valerie as Chin Fei. Extremely heart warming rendition of what could be a cold meaningless show. Oh... And Flora is wonderful too! Haha. Can't forget the resident clown. :D

Double Chin could have easily become a boring half hour torture of Singaporean accented British accent kids trying their best to showcase their young prodigy like acting talents. THANK GOD it isn't. Unlike other Kids Central projects Sports On (SHEESH! boring!), Whizzes of The Void Deck (impractical!) or even the (very weird attempt at a detective mini drama) R.E.M, Double Chin is seriously heartfelt and for once isn't just a stupid show lah. Double Chin could well join the ranks of 'I NOT STUPID'.

Seriously. It took me awhile to realize that THE NEMESIS in Double Chin was actually the little bad voice inside all of us, trying to make and break us. We tell ourselves that we can't do this or we can't do that. Or we place blame on our closest friends due to misjudgment. The short kids drama manages to deal with this issue very well. In fact it's a waste if not every pre-teen or teenager watches the show. It really brings out the importance of believing in yourself. Haha. I loved the parts where Nemesis tried to bring Chin Fei down. It just shows me how Nemesis has actually struck at all of our hearts before. LOLX. It's extremely funny and yet it probably has happened in our lives.

It's great to know that there's a show addressing this issue... The issue of self-confidence or the lack of it in young Singaporeans. :) Really wish to see more shows addressing this issue instead of silly shows like R.E.M. (WHAT THE HECK DOES THE SHOW, R.E.M MEAN ANYWAY?) Haha. I believe that Double Chin was one of the few Kids Central successes ever. That show really touched me in a way no Auntie Agony column has. :D Haha. LOVE THE SHOW. I WANT A RE-RUN OF IT!

**carrie** (is gonna miss my dearieeeeee today.)

P.S: Dearie... HOPE you enjoy your hang out session with Kenneth today! :) Gonna miss ya loads.

Pity Me, Teach Me Keyboards
Friday, March 25, 2005 12:44 PM

Okay. Okay. I know. There was a period of time like one or two years ago I tried to learn a little and it didn't really work because for one thing, I only could ever play "Spanish Eyes" and it still sucked. Another thing would be I only went for one day of the course, how the heck can I learn anything other than "Spanish Eyes"? I mean. ARGHH!

Whatever it is, teach me Keyboards please! TY wants to charge me ten freaking dollars a lesson! Oh MY GAWD! Does he actually know I'm paying for lessons for myself? It's my pocket that will break holes! Of course it's already pretty cheap, but I don't even know if TY can TEACH lor. Playing might be no sweat for him but I seriously doubt TY can teach without killing me with either

a) sarcasm
b) painful ego killing comments

Pity me... TEACH ME KEYBOARDS for FREE can? Or I could self study... Hmm... (This will take forever...)

It's rather urgent lah. I want to learn keyboards for reasons that only I can know. Haha. Confidential. Can't even let dearie know. At least not yet. Gah gah gah! Save me! I've got like about 5 months to learn basic keyboarding and I'm a very very VERY slow student. Sometimes I believe my left brain is SO crippled it unbalances my slightly crippled right brain resulting in a lack of co-ordination. :(

So... Anyone can teach me the keyboards. I'll give web designing simple courses as pay. Or I can pay in cookies of course but I'd say the web designing course is more worth it. :) Trust me. I can sort of teach you lots lah. Unconventional techniques. And I'll teach you a bit of what I know about photoshop while I'm at it. If that's a deal... Heh. Tag me. I desperately need a teacher. I want to learn keyboards.

Dearie hasn't blogged in ages. Miss reading his blog entries. Awwiex. I got jealous yesterday. Haha. For NOTHING some more. So much for being an 'independent' girlfriend. Heh. It was easier to be independent when you give lesser into a relationship. Fortunately (or unfortunately) I've given a little more than I usually do lah... So... Haha. Can't blame meee... I was really independent. ONCE. When I hadn't started sinking deep.

**carrie** (Love my dearieeeeee.)

How Interesting
Thursday, March 24, 2005 10:05 AM

Don't laugh but... ... I have got the ending song for 'Grandsazers'.

I wonder how I got it.

Probably some Jap song sung by some Jap singer who struck out from her group to handle the J-pop world on only her own two feet (as well as the feet of her managers lah).

Heh. Interesting.

And my Combined Humanities is my best subject standing out among my other subjects with an impressive A2. Of course there is the constant Humanities experts lah like Lili and Titi and Fredrick. Gah. It's very reassuring I still can get at least one sad A2. Everything else is in the C5 range or Bs range. I have 2 F9s too, one of which is freaking English. If there ever was a depressing rut. THIS IS IT. Thank God for Combined Humanities or I would really bang my head on the wall and skip O'levels.

How interesting.

**carrie**

Inventive mood
Wednesday, March 23, 2005 10:43 AM

Did something really cool today at school.

Xiao Yun and I invented this code and wrote some code breaking games for TY to solve. It's a very cute 'secret' language lah. Pretty fun writing out the code and letting people solve it without knowing what it is at all. Soedar is very smart. He was a lot faster at figuring out the codes. TY took a little longer. I believe Jean and Soedar have very high IQs. :)

There was one that went "If only we could stop Ting Yan from speaking for a sunday. How wonderful would that be?" in code. It was so tough it took Ting Yan very very long to decode his name. Apparently, very soon he'll probably memorize his coded name. Heh.

I like my new 'language'. It's fun to communicate with symbols and stuff and look at everyones faces as they look at the paper. Cool stuff. Gonna start passing coded messages tomorrow. Now that's a problem for teachers. They won't know what Xiao Yun and I are writing. Hohoho.

On a more serious note... As expected I failed my Chemistry. Good news is I now have one-to-one coaching from Mrs Low. Gah. Unfortunately (I just remembered) I scheduled it on Friday... And... Friday is kind of like a holiday. I wonder how I'm going to get this sorted out now. Have to go tell her tomorrow. Sheesh! I totally forgot Friday was Good Friday.

Another piece of relatively good news is that I passed my Geog. That is quite a whew for me. Haha. I mean I finally got a B4 after failing. It gives me a sense of satisfaction. Heh. I'm hoping for a good S.S score now. Maybe at least a B3 to pull the grades up a little. :) Oh well...

Had Sports Official meeting after school today and guess what position I applied for... :D You'd never guess...

Really... Don't give up. Keep guessing.

Maybe...

Getting closer...

Try again.

Okay... Okay...

I applied for Announcer which is kinda like MC. I surprised Mr Sim lah. He thought no one would wanna take that kinda job so he made a teacher do it. Now I'm an Announcer together with another P.E teacher. Sounds like a pretty great job to me. Can't wait! :)

I'm trying out for as many MCing oppotunity as possible. I need to get an edge over the other to-be Ngee Ann Mass Comms applicants. Hmm. Have to get a single digit L1R4 as well. Nobody said it would be easy. Gah. Not that I can't make it. Hopefully I can.

Heh. On the way home I met Miss Chia and she thinks Wei Sheng and me being together is very 'romantic'. Haha. And she was like saying how much I've grown up... Hmm... I bet every primary school teacher will gush about how grown up their 'kids' are already now and then. Haha.

**carrie** (Misses dearie and want to hear him sing 'Playboy' again!)

Symbols
Tuesday, March 22, 2005 11:54 AM

For Soedar it's a double edged sword. For bright sunny dispositioned Jean, it is naturally the sun. For Ting Yan it's a lightning bolt and for Clara it's a cloud.

I believe all these symbols show more than just a preference. I think it shows how a person thinks, feels and most importantly wish to grow. There is a lot to read from a simple symbol.

From his symbol, Soedar shows he wants to be a complete all-rounded person. A worthy weapon and opponent. From the symbol (I'm not sure, but this is how I read it) he shows a desire to become skilled and flexible. It also shows that he has a major weakness which is him being slightly more sharp and painful to the people around him who don't know how to approach or handle him.

Jean's symbol being the sun shows that she wants to be a strong sunny light, a source of great happiness and cheer to many people. She has a desire to bring to people joy and more importantly strength. She wishes to shine a light in her own life. It shows how much she is willing to serve. She manages to makes herself indispensable...

Ting Yan's lightning bolt shows that he wants to be seen, and many a time is accompanied by loud thunderous noise in order to be heard. He wants attention. He is imbalanced like lightning.

The cloud Clara has chosen as her symbol goes to show how she traps herself in a cycle of events. Clouds may be silent but they grow heavier and heavier from water like she does with emotions and in the end rains down on others. Yet when a cloud has finished with it's raining, it accumulates again. She yearns to be free like a cloud but fails to notice that a cloud binds her to a vicious cycle and in turn because of this cycle she wants freedom again. Freedom for her is shortlived.

What is my symbol?

There was a point of time it was a very blur looking flying squid because I didn't wish for complication. Simplicity and escape seemed attractive thus the subconcious like towards squids. However some point in secondary two I suddenly grew attached to rabbits. I wonder if all this is really subconcious. Suddenly liking an animal, colour or object. Is it because of some new thoughts in your head? Is it because of some change in outlook towards life that spurs on this suddenly liking? Hmm...

A rabbit is vibrant, agile, yet docile, meek. Most importantly it's a creature that yearns companionship more than anything. It has qualities I admire. Being agile is something I never really was and being vibrant and fun seems like everything I want to be. Of course cuteness is another plus point lah... The very interesting thing I found out about rabbits recently would be that it needs companionship. I didn't know this at first when I started to like rabbits. Is this some subconcious thing? Haha. It shows a lot about me... It's like by uncovering my symbol- the bunny, I see for myself what I yearn to become. Docile and meek are two words that strike a bell inside. I've always wanted to be a housewife.

Maybe things you're attracted to in life are all the same. They are all very different from what you have been, and they possess everything you wish to be or become. This will explain the whole, "Opposites attract" theory. Heh. Really answers the theory. So when you say, "I can't see how we could ever get along being so different!"... It's kinda like fake thing to say. Since I believe we're all attracted to people that are extremely different from us and who will do things we seldom do because deep down inside we wish we could do them too...

Haha. Interesting self discovery blog entry. Sheesh. It's not making much sense... But anyway...

:) If you haven't noticed, I've changed the layout. It's a layout smothered in grey tones and a splatter of primary colours here and there. Nice? I needed a creative juice boost you see... Couldn't control myself. HEH. It's back to homework straight after dinner.

**carrie**

ZZZzzzZZZ
Sunday, March 20, 2005 5:00 AM

Woah... I was so tired yesterday after the whole Sentosa Siloso Beach trip that I bathed and went straight to sleep. I was so exhausted I went boom onto my bed and orh-orh until 10am today. That's like almost 10 hours lah. Heh. Feel so much more alive now. Can't blame my whole body for malfuctioning, haven't swam in ages! Like a couple of years lor! Of course will kaboom lah.

I thought there'd seriously be a lot more people than just... the few that showed up yesterday. Gah. A little disappointed when I saw that only VaneSSA, Jill, Yong Jiang and Kevin showed up yesterday. Of course YJ brought his friend Bernard a.k.a Bird lah. But he wasn't from OBS one. Gah. I brought my dearie. So few people lor. Was waiting for people the whole morning while the rest played TAITI or some game that sounds like Potato at the harbourfront macdonalds. When we finally set off for sentosa... It was just Vanessa, Jill, YJ, Bird, dearie and me. Just the six of us lah... Sad!

I wonder what happened to the rest who said they would try to come... Maybe too tired to come lah. But their loss lah... It was rather fun lor!

Mainly Jill and I went to get water without telling the other peeps lah, and I think that kinda made them pretty worried since I forgot my handphone and Jill didn't bring hers along to the 7-11 as well. We didn't expect it to be THAT far lor. We didn't think it was ONE WHOLE BEACH away at Palawan Beach. It kinda slipped my mind that it was THAT far. Gah.We walked BAREFOOT all the way. PAIN! Haha. We took the bus (RED LINE) back from Palawan lah. When we got back I think they got a little pissed for awhile but we brought back food and water lor! Haha. Jill is VERY fun to talk to. Lolx. had fun chatting (or complaining about pain) along the way.

Went to swim in the very seaweeded Siloso Beach sea. It was cool lor. Haven't swam in ages, to swim suddenly feels really really great. Haha. Went to play water etcetera. Dearie wanted to go swim to the islands so I thought "WHY NOT."

It was fun to get there lah, although I suffered some little cuts and poor dearie really got rather injured. GAH... Poor dearie... It was great fun. Lolx. Then swam back, played somemore water and then went to go build sandmen and bury YJ. Vanessa left around this time lah. Quite sad to see her go. Wished she could hang out more lah.

By the time we left Sentosa it was so so so so late liow. Haha. Blah Blah Blah. Gah. Went to see dearie's band jam after that. Had some BAK CHOR MEE for dinner! :) The BAK CHOR MEE there is very nice lor! The soup was very tasty. Heh.

Slept all the way home. Halfway on dearie's shoulder. I bet it hurts! Opps!

**carrie** (thanks dearie for letting me snooze on his shoulder... and for giving me nice nice massages when my back hurt!)

If You Didn't Love Me
Friday, March 18, 2005 12:18 PM

A beautiful song by Corrine May. My goodness, she writes all the sweetest most tear jerking songs in the world...

If every drop of water dissapeared from the land,
And every drop of ocean suddenly turned to sand.
That would all be nothing compared to what I'd feel,
If you didn't love me.

What if I woke up and couldn't hear a sound,
And all that I could see was darkness all around?
That would still be nothing compared to what I'd feel,
If you didn't love me.

If I could have the world and all that money could buy,
And if I could travel far beyond the moon and the sky.
If they gave me golden wings will I still couldn't fly,
Without you nothing would matter...

You and I walk beside each other day after day,
But theres so much inside me I never get to say.
My life would be so empty with nothing left to fear,
If you didn't love me.
Ohh...
If you didn't love me.

**carrie**

The ka-ching-a-ling-a-ling to pay for a Sherman Lifestyle
7:21 AM

AHHHH! AHHHH! AHHHH!

Sherman (the fat but very cute shark in Sherman's Lagoon) has a feeding frenzy... I HAVE A PANIC FRENZY.

MY GOSH. I stop doing sit ups for two days and my tummy looks flabby! OMG... HAHA. It's amusing how worked up I am and at the same time so calm. HMM.

AIYA. Carrie... Of course lah. Never exercise, keep eating, where can expect miracles to happen. FAT WILL BE PUT ON.

Darn. Looks like its back to the 'regime' again. :X BOO HOO. I've just done about 20 sit ups... Thats another 30 to go.

Not fun ahhh. Heh. That is why procrastination sucks. Should start learning my lesson lah. Exercise is essential in life. GAH. Sadly.

**carrie**(lurbbbeesss dearie!)

P.S: WOOT. 70 sit ups... Maybe should go do another 40... I get some sadistic sense of satisfaction from this... Heh.

A Painful Tale
Tuesday, March 15, 2005 1:22 PM

The pain all began one fateful day. I was caught unaware. Wrung by the neck and later sent to die an even more painful death.

Eventually I died... My neck bruised and bleeding. Zombified and freezing, I lay naked, the goosebumps apparent on my pale white skin. Blood oozing out slightly. In a cold freezer like place I lie waiting.

As if death wasn't painful enough, I got chopped, my beautiful curvaceous thighs seperated. They packed my thighs with many others. THE HORROR! THE ATROCITY! :C

And again lying in a packet as if it wasn't bad enough, my joints get twisted off, left to dangle painfully. The pain. The pain. The horrific pain.

Do they know how tortured I am...

Then they leave me to drown in salted waters, salted murky waters, black and horribly dark. I hope this is the end...

Apparently thats the painful tale of a frozen chicken thigh a.k.a chicken wing. HAHA. Inspired by an evening of dislocating chicken wing joints. I pity the chicken but haha, I'm still eating them tomorrow anyway!

P.S: If the chicken wing thinks the suffering and injustice is over, he has got to wait to be put over the flames of cruel persecution. HAHA. BBQ will be worse my friend. WORSE. HEH.

**carrie** (misses dearie so much it's turning her into some sadistic creepy chicken serial killer)

"Recuperation"
Sunday, March 13, 2005 1:44 PM

Those freaking common tests are at long last over. My gosh... I felt all dizzy and exhausted when I finally reached home yesterday! :) I was so tired I fell asleep the moment I plopped myself on the bed. Whoosh.

The common tests were a very disappointing and 'down' period for me. I'm glad it's over for at least a couple of days. After Tuesday, it's all back to 'pia'ing again. At least for now till Tuesday I can go play and relax and slam my Playstation II (which doesn't seem to work)! GAH!

Sheesh... Feels great after having lots more exercise everyday compared to my days of sedentary lifestyle. Heh. Haven't been climbing stairs in ages. I decided I needed to do something healthy to make me feel happier during the common test period so I kind of started taking the stairs all the way up to the top floor then climb down to the seventh floor lah. Then if I get lethargic (not tired, just lethargic) I'd do 50 sit ups to wake me up. It's getting easier and easier to do 50 sit ups. Heh. I've this really terrific whooosh of accomplishment each time. If I'm watching TV, I'd just use the 'plastic-ky' 1kg weights and just do some arm exercises and stuff... and if I feel horrible and fat, I'd just go do push ups until I feel pooped. Haha. I also watch my diet now. I eat meals that have a bit more veggie in it (although I hate veggies!) and take a bit less sweetened drinks like coke and all, there are exceptions though, like the occasional fast food visit. Been at this for about four days now. If this keeps up, I bet I'd feel happy and healthy all the time. :) Exercise makes me feel so alive again even if it's just a tinny bit of exercise. And it's normal to lose 3500 calories a week. This equals to 1kg lah. So if I keep it up, 4 kg a month isn't impossible. And if I do lose 4kg that would make me more than content liow! WHY? Because if I lose 4kg... I'd be 48kg liow. Hahaha. 48kg makes me feel happy liow lah. So I must jia you!

Bought myself a yellow two-piece swimsuit lahhh. So I can motivate myself to keep up my exercise and good eating habits. Because if I don't keep it up, I might never never look good in it... AND IT IS VERY IMPORTANT TO LOOK GOOD IN ANYTHING LAHHHH. So there. Wish me good luck. :)

**carrie** (loves dearie for all his support all this time. Love youuuu!)

Something Inside
Wednesday, March 02, 2005 1:33 PM

There's this tinny weeny voice inside urging me to head back to church. I mean, I'm no longer afraid to tell my dad in the face that I'm gonna go to church or anything, but there's just something holding me back.

Maybe I suddenly have this little voice inside because of Amanda's invitation to her church, but I don't really want to go to a huge church with over-zealous enthusiastic people who are so warm, they sizzle. I mean, I don't like the feeling of many many people coming up to me, trying to make me feel welcome. And her church is just the epitome of over-zealous. It's City Harvest... So I don't know how to tell this to little Moo Moo without her getting offended because I can tell she protects and defends her church alot. I mean, yeah. And I don't feel like going to my mom's church because after-all, I have become the known victim of my dad's power-hungry battles throughout the church. I know they mean well with all that empathy. Somehow, it's not what I want and I'm not someone who'll tell them real straight... Making friends all over again is hard.

Then I'll end up saying, maybe I'll go... ...

Soon.

But when?

And it all goes on again and again.

**carrie**