a nightmare would be a life without you

The Least I Should Do
Wednesday, April 27, 2005 10:48 AM

The way things turned out today was totally out of hand. Firstly, I admit I was overboard. I should have been more mature and handled my emotions properly. I bet alot of people are mad at me and they have the right and reason to, because I hardly behaved like a fifteen-going-on-sixteen year old should. I should have been more composed and accepted the decision cooly, calmly and with respect towards the end result. But I didn't. And I can't explain how bad I feel. It's just this feeling inside that nags at me, telling me that I've been such an idiot and like wrong?

I can't explain WHY THE HECK I lost my cool today. I can't explain it. Maybe PMS, maybe stress, but whatever it is, I feel really bad about it and all because I know I can't take it all back.

I just couldn't handle the surge of disappointment, slight anger and unreasonable disgust. I was like all three emotions and more at the same time. I don't think anyone will understand how I felt but it was so bad for me it felt like my heart was tearing (seriously) into two. It was that painful. I don't know what came over me. I really don't. But I know that the way I handled or rather lack of, reflected badly on me. Very. And importantly, it made many people unhappy and disgruntled and disappointed.

I didn't even feel good when the lot drawing was over. Even though it was yellow and not pink I still didn't feel proud of being part of the class and worse still I didn't even CARE at all whether the colour was yellow or pink. I was feeling that bad. Whats the point when the class is all torn over the stupid colour. Or rather whats the point when I'M torn over the stupid colour and split the freaking class in two while I was at it.

Whatever...

Even though I'm in the wrong here (for making a fuss and being so much like a fat ass bitch) I won't hesitate to say that I feel that alot of things about the class tee was way unfair. And there are some assumptions (which are wrong lah, but I can't help it) I made about the manner the class tee was handled and how the votes turned out that are not-very-nice but highly suspicious. Whatever it is, I'm still unhappy that things turned out this way.

And although Ian did say not to let Mrs Lin know about this. But heck. The class has long been split into two. One class tee incident isn't changing anything, just the sides.

I hate my class as of now. I hate it. Because its just so simple to break the class up. I don't know what to say lah. I've always felt that I was on the opposite end of the class anyway. There will always be those accepted and those who people think are just explosive and crazy and not worth a shit. At this moment I hope I am. Because getting involved in anything isn't worth it.

But all in all, I'm sorry to all the pink choosing metrosexuals who were so enthu about the colour. I've been so childish unlike you guys who were mature about it. I suck can? Like forgive me. And I'm NOT being sarcastic. If you think I am, can't help it. I just feel bitter about myself, hence the lack of tact.

**carrie**

The majority is always right. The minority can only look on. That's the way it should have been. Why didn't I stick to that?